that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
