my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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