Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
