One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
