BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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