One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize