I puked a lego.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize