You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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