Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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