1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
