eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
