whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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