Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize