**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We had to coat check the pizza.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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