There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
