ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
