Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
