He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
