Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
