Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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