Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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