he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
