I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
