he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
