I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
