i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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