id be glad to
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
