fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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