I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
