I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
