I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
