"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
