He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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