Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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