i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
