I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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