My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
