We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
