I think my vagina is haunted
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
