if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
