I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
