Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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