I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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