ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize