my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
