this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i think my cat just said my name.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
