I can't watch pbs sober anymore
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
