Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
