good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
