Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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