This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
