i barfeds in our rink
Actions speak louder than pants.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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