Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
