he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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