...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
