I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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