Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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