so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
