I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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