I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
