There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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