I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
