Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
