I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
