I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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