My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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