so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
time to smoke my breakfast
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
