Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i permit you to call me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
