yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
