so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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