Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
