He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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