I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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