how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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