We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
home. puking in laundry basket.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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