New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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