I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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