My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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