u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
