ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the condom got lost in my hair
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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