Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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