I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
