youre lurking in front of me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
