cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize