I wanna passion pit in your ass
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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