I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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