She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
