Is it normal to miss your booty call?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
