Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
