he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
