I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
